Finding Purpose

“So I have this theory,” I started, the silence too much for me to take any more.

“Oh yea, what’s that?,” he asked, barely looking over at me as we came to a red light.

“Well, you know how I was a hippo in my past life?” That got his attention. I nearly choked on my water watching his eyes jerk towards me, his mouth open in disbelief.

“You were what?,” he questioned at last.

“A hippo. I was a hippo in my past life and Lacey, you know Lacey right, she was a lion. But somehow we became friends in our past lives and now look, we’re best friends as humans in this life. The weird part though, is that we both remember. Obviously not everything-”

“Obviously.”

“But we remember enough,” I continued. “We remember meeting each other and just the fact that we were animals in our past lives. But most people don’t remember. So I’ve always wondered why they can’t remember, you know? Like you, why can’t you remember? What makes me different?”

“Ah well, I can think of a few reasons you might be different,” he scoffed.

“Very funny,” I said, “But I’m being serious.”

“Oh, I know,” he said. “That’s what worries me.”

“No really, listen. I can remember, bits and pieces of the past. I don’t know why I was a hippo or why Lacey was a lion, but for some reason we were and now look at us, friends as humans.”

“So you have a theory?”

“Oh yea,” I smiled. “So my theory is that we did something in our past that we need in the future, that’s why we can remember. Because it’s not like I can remember all of my past lives, just the last one.”

“So you’re telling me that in your past life you were a hippopotamus and you did something so important that now you, as a human, need?”

“Yea, like I realized something or helped someone in the past and now I need to figure out what that was, in this life.”

“Why can’t you remember what you’re suppose to remember then? Why just be able to remember some of the past but not the important parts?”

“Oh I don’t know, because what would the point of this life be if I could remember everything already? Then this life would be too easy, all the fun would be gone.”

“No fun,” he murmured.

“It’s okay,” I said. “I don’t expect you to believe me. I just thought of it and I wanted to say it out loud, to see if it clicked.”

“And did it click?”

“I don’t know, I guess. Maybe.” I wavered, my confidence faltering with each word I added. “I guess I’d just be nice to know I had a purpose, to know that I had something to do in this life, that I was here for a reason. That’s what Dr. Gaulmeyer told us today- to find a purpose, a reason for wanting to live.”

“So your first thought was about past lives as hippos and lions?”

“Well, I really do believe I was a hippo in my past life, but my theory, well that just kinda came to Lacey and I. It was mostly her, really. But then I remembered the hippo stuff so I thought maybe it could be true.” We pulled up to my driveway and he stopped the car, turning to look at me.

“You have a purpose Mel, you have a reason to be here, I promise. But I don’t think it has anything to do with remembering your past life. Maybe you were a hippo-” he grimaced as he ceded to those words- “but your purpose is not determined by that, okay?”

“Okay,” I said. “Okay, I suppose you’re right.”

“Good,” he said. “So I’ll be by to pick you up, same time tomorrow, right?”

“Would you mind coming a few minutes earlier?,” I asked, “Lacey and I were going to grab coffee before the session.”

“Lacey, huh? Does Dr. Gaulmeyer think it’s a good idea for you to be talking to Lacey?”

“Of course, she’s my best friend! He even moved her to the same support group as me,” I said. “Oh yea, I was suppose to tell you, Dr. Gaulmeyer wants me to do two sessions a week now, and one group therapy meeting. He said to tell you he thinks it will be good for me- adding a group session.”

“Okay.” He sighed. “Can you just send me the times, so I have them all straight and I don’t forget?”

“Of course.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow Mel.”

“Bye Ethan.” I waived as I climbed out of the car.

“Thank you,” I called. Sometimes I forgot to say it, but I hoped he knew. He must know, how grateful I was for all the car rides, all the late nights. He knew. But I’m sure he still liked to here it every once in a while. So I called out even though I knew he couldn’t here me.

“You’re the best brother a girl could ask for.” I knew that always made him happy, forgetting the “step”. We were family, even if our blood said otherwise.

Theory